Kim Says

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October 24th, 2012 · No Comments

A family member recently sucked me into LinkedIn. So I filled out a completely benign profile and began connecting to others. As I read up on job descriptions and qualifications of my friends and co-workers I began to wonder…what does it all mean?  The following are some excerpts I find strangely misleading:
“…consulting with individuals and organizations in need of executable strategies based on current business climates”     (Huh?)

“…interact with prospects and customers for top of mind awareness…”   (But
you distinctly have an in-the-gutter mindset)

“Systems test of Telco Rack mounted systems”   (Oh brother)

“…”rescue” from laggards”   (Does it require a double tap?)

Then I needed to read up on new electronics equipment in my office. The following is from the E-Copy Software Solutions manual:

“…integrate with backend applications and business process workflows”

“…Bi-directional connectors to document management systems that enable process management”

When I asked the Hubby about these terms he quickly turned the focus to sexually suggestive innuendo. What did I expect? So I asked the attorneys in my office and do you know what they said? They said they were blushing because I should not be reading from 50 Shades of Gray at the office.  So basically no one really knows what any of this stuff means. I need to beef up my profile. What do you think about the following: “strategic interactional connector of executable workflow solutions on mounted management prospects”.  Now that’s a resume builder!


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