Kim Says

Scooter told me she wanted pink cowgirl boots for christmas this year. She said she did not want cowboy boots, because she is a girl. Duh.

Good thing I am in Texas right now. Pink cowGIRL boots. Check!

The following is an excerpt from Real Simple Magazine
(with a Kimmer twist):

Don’t dress just for comfort. When people are feeling insecure, they tend to buy more, so nix the sweats and the sneakers if they make you feel frowzy (have no idea what this ‘word’ is, damn Canadians) and opt for something stylish, like cute flats or an on-trend top, that boosts your self-confidence… (or you could just buy yourself something new, after all you are shopping, right?)

Head out solo. Unconsciously, people tend to mimic one another. That means if your girlfriend stocks up at the kitchen-supply store, you’re more likely to do so,
too. Just say no to a shopping companion today… (yea and no reason for compromise either. Get outta the way, bitch!)

Stop at the bank. Curb impulse buys by leaving your credit cards at home. Shopping with cash cuts your overall outlay by 23 percent. Avoid the ATM and go to a teller so you can request larger bills, such as 50’s or 100’s. You will be less likely to break them on unnecessary purchases… (the liquor store doesn’t mind larger bills though. Just sayin’)

..Then hit the mall. Since the main entrance may have a lavish display enticing you to spend, come in through a side door or the food-court entrance… (spend your shopping money and time allotment on lunch instead.)

Steer clear of attractive salespeople. You’re more likely to buy something from a sales associate who is easy on the eyes. Research shows that people tend to
trust folks whom they find physically appealing. So ask yourself, do you like
the looks of the sweater or the handsome clerk holding it? (I think this is
totally uncalled for. I want that little bitch to flirt with me. I’m paying him good  money for it!)

Get in, get out. The longer you listen to a sales pitch, the more likely you are to hand over the cash. (or maybe his digits? Bow chicka wow wow)

All done! Now kick back with a glass of your favorite something… (I TOLD YOU the liquor store was your first stop.)

If you see me at the mall; I’ll be the lonely bitch tottering around in 6 inch heels with a pocket full of cold hard cash. I’m slurping on a big ol’ coca-cola from
McDonald’s, flirting with the salesperson and holding up the checkout line. I’m
buying an on-trend top for myself so I can meet up with that cute salesperson
later for a drink. Now that’s the true spirit of holidays.

Happy Hunting Fellow Shoppers!

I have a new roommate. I nicknamed her Pig Dog. She is a white shar-pei with a pink nose. The gbabies came over this past weekend and we baked cookies. Pig Dog developed a new nickname: Swiffer.

Living in Alabama I’ve learned that Gameday Saturday is the most important day of the week. I’ve adapted to my environment, ya’ll.

Previously, I was only an NFL Sunday football maven. I appreciated the professional aspect of the game, as the players are paid to perform and therefore, it becomes a mental match up much like a game of chess. I also prefer to back certain players for their talent as opposed to blind loyalty for an entire team. There is however, one exception to every rule. The Detroit Lions.

The Lions always play on Thanksgiving Thursday dating back to the industrialization of Michigan. As the auto makers’ capital of the world, the employees worked 6 days a week, only enjoying Sundays off for church and family. But Thanksgiving falls during the regular football season and is the one week day the auto makers had a holiday from the plant.  The Detroit Lions always play on that day, so the auto workers could actually physically attend a game. That deserves my loyalty. Go team!