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Kim Frank’s Diary

November 3rd, 2011 · No Comments

The State of Alabama just passed the most stubborn illegal immigration laws in the country (so far). You all thought Arizona was tough… So that makes doing anything in this State impossible to accomplish without doing it in person and with several forms of ID.

I have one of those employers who still thinks he lives in a television show from the 1960’s. The kind where his trusty secretary runs his entire life for him and he just shows up to the meeting looking dapper with a scotch in one hand a cigarette in the other.

An urgent work matters arises… his grown daughter must have a new car TODAY. She lives out of state. He looks into financing and decides his 80(+) mother will get a better interest rate. He leases a car in his mother’s name and daughter flies into town, picks up the car and turns around and drives it back over the course of a
weekend. No one considered registering this vehicle. After all, they don’t have to do that on TV. The trusty secretary just makes a call. Duh.

A month has passed and no one is able to register this car properly, in state or out. So I got bribed. Yes, if I would take a manila folder’s worth of paperwork to the Courthouse and make magic happen, I will be paid time-and-half for my efforts. (Cue the Mission Impossible theme music) Now the funniest thing about this whole clusterfuck is that once I proved my allegiance to the Reich, it didnt matter who I was…

I stood in line for almost four hours. Of course, I was coughed upon and the cinderblock halls of a downtown courthouse smell a lot like a homeless person. The Nazi line guards barked out orders and demanded our driver’s licenses or no quarter would be considered. I thought I might have heard the faint sound of a whip cracking, when one woman defiantly refused to cooperate. I think she whispered “Freedom!”  The rest of we mere hapless plebes cowered into submission.“Don’t kick us out of line, we’ve already invested three hours and all of our dignity,” we collectively pleaded.

After being scanned, patted down, abused and maligned, I finally was able to step in front of an actual clerk. I’m certain she never made eye contact with me and simply asked me for a check (written and signed by Boss) and a signature on the registration slip (I signed Mother’s signature) and she simply said, “You’re done” and then I quickly ran out the doors firmly believing I had just narrowly escaped the gas chambers.

Just seems strange that for all the fuss about proving that I was as a legal citizen of the State of Alabama…I was allowed to be three people all in one day. No problemo.

Tags: Adventures

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