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It’s Fall Y’all!

November 13th, 2012 · No Comments

The air is getting to be crisp and fresh in the mornings around here. So much more breathable than the typical 95% humidity we usually live with. I can actually blow dry my hair and not drip with sweat while getting ready for work each day. Do you know how hard it is to squish into a pair of jeans when you are all sweaty and sticky?

Unfortunately, the Fall makes me fuss about the Fall Wardrobe. I have decided I would like to go out into the yard, rake up a huge pile of leaves, throw all my jeans into that pile and set it a-blaze! Burn Baby! Burn!

What the hell is wrong with every brand of jeans these days? I do NOT want my ass crack peeking out of any low rise hipsters! I do NOT want my muffin top oozing over the waistband of any skinny jeans! And my jiggly thighs will never see the inside of anything referred to as a “jegging”. Why can’t jeans just fit the way they used to? I remember walking into the County Seat (an ALL LEVIS store) this time of year, every year. I would grab 2 pair of “student” fit, boot cut Levis Jeans and one pair student fit, boot cut corduroys (usually dark brown) and that was my entire school wardrobe for the year. I didn’t know or care what the actual size was, they just plain fit.

I think that jeans should be numbered at your age. Gone is the trying to impress some teenaged sales clerk by claiming you can squish into a “size 4 please”. I just want a size 46. A comfortable and appropriate pair of jeans for my age. Is that so much to ask?

I want the jeans to fit in the crotch without smooshing any important lady parts. I don’t want my underwear to sit higher on my hips than the jeans themselves (no one needs to see my pink polka dots). At the same time, I do not want the front pockets hovering somewhere mid-armpit either. I don’t want the waistband so tight as to make it appear that I am wearing a pool float-y ring under my shirt and I certainly do not need my ass pockets covered in words, glitter, sparkles or graffiti of any kind. I am not a walking billboard for your brand of anything.

Santa! please please please help!

Tags: Rants & Raves

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