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Diary of a Whimpy Kid

June 25th, 2013 · No Comments

Every state in the Union has its own quirky issues. For example, New York (in particular, New York City) is known for its abundant rat population. So many urban legends of radioactive mega sewer rats taking over Manhattan! Rats breed deadly diseases, and were once known for spreading the plague. That’s pretty serious stuff. I don’t think I care for rats of any size.

Then, there is the state of Florida which is known for its killer alligators. I’m pretty sure I do not want to wake up any day to find an alligator skinny dipping in my pool. Alligators are faster and meaner and hungrier than we stupid humans seem to understand. I don’t think I care for alligators at any distance.

Finally, we have Sweet Home Alabama which is aptly named as cockroaches love anything sweet. Our state is second only to the great state of Mississippi as the fattest state in the Nation. Therefore, we must have some super great garbage for cockroaches to explode their population. I swear the ones outside my apartment are almost the size of a small guinea pig. The simple thing to do, rather than scream and climb up onto an outdoor wicker chair (because they can climb up that chair better than you idiot), is to simply step on the damn thing. However, that crunching sound under my shoe is the most disgusting, heebie jeebie sound I have ever heard (shudder). I would fare better up against a mega rat or a man-eating alligator any day.

Tags: Biographical

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