Kim Says

I don’t have the obesity disease, but I’m a carrier.

I just read that the AMA has designated Obesity as a disease. Does that mean that anyone who is overweight now has a pre-existing condition and cannot get healthcare insurance coverage later/ever?

When this infamous Obamacare crap finally goes into effect, does that mean that those of us who may have a few extra “mid-life” pounds creeping up on our girlish figures are going to pay more or are going to be disavowed altogether? If I’m diseased do I receive medication? Liposuction? Lifestyle Lift? (Debbie Boone you do light up my life).

As obese employees, will we be sent to rehab for 30 days? Will we be given the FMLA option for absence from work? Will spouses be allowed to also take the FMLA? Someone has to stay home and over feed the children while the diseased spouse is at fat camp!

And what about the fat kids? Will the government be informed that your newborn baby has exceeded the allotment for size and weight as dictated by the IRS?  Will the parents be hauled off to jail for giving birth to a ten pound baby boy? Worse yet, audited? Or will the DHR services simply swoop in and take the baby “for national security’s sake”. Will Rod Stewart lyrics be banned and/or re-touched much like all previous pictures of the twin towers in NYC?

You may be laughing at my extreme examples, however, compare and contrast these options to those that have now been put into place ever since Alcoholism became a disease… I’m not saying, I’m just saying…

Anyone else hungry? What’s for lunch?

I have a big bed. I call it The Big Bed. It is king sized with a very ornate French Country Style burled wood Sleigh Bed frame. You know, it has a 6 foot tall headboard and a 4 foot tall footboard and big chunky rails on each side. It takes up the entire bedroom. I love it. Of course, to the dismay of the Hubby, I have to cover it in big, thick, ornate bedding and tons of pillows to overstate the obvious…that it’s a Big Bed.

I often pick up seasonal items and change out the bedding and style several times per year. (My linen closet needs thinning). For Spring I found an adorable yellow-print duvet cover with matching shams. And if you also have a king sized bed, you know how expensive each piece can be, so I was thrilled to scoop it up for less than $25.00. SCORE! (I also added some coordinating throw pillows and a quilt to set across the end of the bed too.) I was quite happy with the display.

Did I mention that I am quite anal retentive about making the bed every morning before I leave for work? Some internal dork philosophy doesn’t want a home invasion to occur and pictures of my unmade bed posted on the nightly news for all to see…we should discuss my mental issues at a later date…moving on with the story…

So one weekend afternoon recently, I strip the bed and wash all the sheets and pillow cases, etc… I decide that it’s Hubby’s turn to make the bed since I do it every day otherwise.  He’s a little cranky about it, but he tromps on back to the bedroom and I hear a lot of grunting and heavy sighs. I ignore him and continue doing laundry. He’s a big boy, he can make a bed. In fact, he was in the service, so I know he can make a bed better than I ever could, if he just gave it a little effort.

I finally emerge from the laundry room just as he has emerged from the bedroom and there… laying on the middle of the living room floor… is the yellow-print duvet cover…practically tied in a big nasty knot.

I stand all bossy-pants in front of him, arms crossed, foot tapping… Meanwhile, on the inside, I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering. I cannot wait to hear this excuse:

Stern Me: Why is the duvet on the floor?

Sheepish Hubby: It wouldn’t work.

Tougher Me: Why is the duvet on the floor?

Braver Hubby: I couldn’t figure it out.

Irritated Me: Why is the duvet on the floor?

Fearless Hubby: I hate that thing!

Actually, I was rather surprised that at least half of the occasional pillows weren’t on the floor as well. Another item for the linen closet.

Hubby is quite the trooper.  I had a very scheduled time planned in Ohio. I had to spend an entire Friday doing girlie things with my eldest daughter. I had to spend Saturday shopping and preparing for a birthday party and a baby shower with one of my longest, age old girlfriends and I had to spend Sunday hosting the baby shower. All of this left Hubby to fend for himself; entertainment-wise.

He chose to spend far too much time with my family members. He visited my grumpy 82 year old dad, he spent time playing cornhole with my teenaged nieces and nephews, and he lunched with my eldest brother and his wife. I’m certain my family likes my husband more than me.

Hubby and I went on an impromptu adventure recently.

For several months we had been planning a trip to Ohio. Our schedule was to be off from work on a Wednesday and spend the day doing laundry, packing, securing house, etc… get a good night’s sleep and then begin our long drive on Thursday morning. However, by Wednesday afternoon the house was spotless and the bags all packed, and we sat on the couch looking at each other…What do we do now? Fridge is empty, garbage is empty, dishes are all clean and put away, beds all made…Might as well just hit the road!

So to mix it up a bit, instead of taking I-65 up through Nashville, we took I-59 up through Chattanooga. Having never gone this way before, we stopped at a wayside tourist attraction and spent 2 hours meandering through caves and underground waterfalls. SPELUNKING!

We drove through the downtown area, found a wonderful restaurant and ate outside under a beautiful starry night. The tasty drinks weren’t too bad, so we decided to find a hotel and crash. There were two hotels next to each other in Knoxville. The Hampton Inn only had queen beds available for over $100, so we went next door to the Holiday Inn Express where they had king beds available for less than $100. The nice reception girl gave us our room keys and instructed which floor to take the elevator. Arms loaded with suitcases and personal pillows, Hubby slid the keycard into the door lock as I pushed open the hotel room door…the TV was on, the lights were all on and there were shoes lined up by the door…BACK OUT! BACK OUT!

We hauled all of our belongings back down the elevator to the nice reception girl and gave her back the keycards, “That room is already occupied”, I said. She seemed mortified! She quickly gave us new keycards and said she would not charge us for the room at all. BONUS!

We had only planned the expense of 4 nights in a hotel room, which made the free extra night very exciting! But then, as usually happens, Ohioans guilt me into staying another day and therefore, I spent the bonus hotel stay on an additional night in Ohio.

I am a wee bit tired of grown-ass adults playing the helpless game. I am not your mommy, I am not your paid care-giver and you are not 4 years old.

Mister, you are in your late 50’s, you can drive to the Courthouse and stand in line to pay your fees just like the rest of us. If you screw it up… GUESS WHAT? Then you’re in the right place to get it fixed all by yourself!

Sweetheart, you are in your 30’s, you can pay for and renew your own car tags and registration, just like the rest of us do every. single. year. without any daddy issues at all!

People, when you are given a specific address, GO THERE, do not google a picture, on a website, of someplace similar, that you thought you heard of once.  You have to actually read the address that was given to you.

I know these requests seem so difficult, especially in an era where you get a trophy just for showing up,

albeit late.

at least you made it.

to the right address…

eventually.